Could I Be the One Using These Behaviors?
This is one of the harder pages on this site to read, because it asks you to look at your own behavior honestly rather than someone else's. That takes real courage, and the fact that you're here at all is a meaningful sign.
This might apply to you if you recognize yourself in:
• You often need to know where your partner or family member is, who they're with, or what they're doing.
• You control shared finances in a way the other person doesn't have equal access to or say in.
• Conflicts in your relationships usually end with the other person apologizing, even when you're not sure you were right.
• You've threatened to leave, to harm yourself, or to take something important from someone (financial support, custody, reputation) to get your way in a disagreement.
• People close to you have told you, more than once, that they feel controlled, unheard, or afraid of your reactions.
Recognizing these patterns in yourself doesn't make you a monster — and it also doesn't excuse continuing them once you can see them. Many people who use coercive control learned it, consciously or not, from relationships or environments where it was modeled for them. What matters now is what you do with the recognition.
If this resonates, the most constructive next step is working with a mental health professional who specializes in behavioral change — not to be told you're irredeemable, but to build different patterns. See Find a Mental Health Professional. If someone in your life is unsafe because of your behavior, please take that seriously and give them room to seek their own support without interference.