Could I Be the One Using These Behaviors?

Patterns Worth Taking Seriously

This page cannot diagnose you or determine what happened in a relationship. It can help you notice behavior for which you are responsible.

Consider getting support if you recognize a repeated pattern of:

• monitoring where another person goes, who they see, or how they communicate;

• controlling money, transportation, work, medical care, documents, or basic choices;

• using intimidation, humiliation, threats, repeated accusations, or isolation to gain compliance;

• threatening self-harm, financial loss, custody consequences, exposure, or abandonment to get your way; or

• dismissing repeated statements that someone feels controlled, unheard, or afraid of your reactions.

Recognizing a harmful pattern does not make change automatic, but it creates a responsibility to act. Your history may help explain a behavior; it does not excuse continuing it. Respect the other person’s boundaries, privacy, access to support, and right to make decisions without interference. Follow all court orders and do not retaliate for someone seeking help.

What responsible change can look like

Seek an appropriately licensed mental health professional or behavior-change program with experience in coercive or abusive behavior and accountability. Be honest about specific actions, accept feedback without blaming the other person, and understand that reconciliation or forgiveness is never owed.

If you are thinking about harming yourself or someone else, or believe anyone is in immediate danger, call 911. In the United States, call or text 988 for crisis support. Do not use a threat of self-harm to influence another person’s choices.

The Fooled No More Foundation provides general education and does not diagnose, assess dangerousness, or provide treatment.