Take the Self-Assessment

Cinematic documentary-style photo of a w

A private reflection—without a score

This educational checklist cannot diagnose abuse, determine danger, or tell you what decision to make. You do not need a certain number of “yes” answers for a concern to matter.

Device safety: Use this page only when it feels safe. The page does not ask you to submit answers, but browser history, screenshots, networks, downloads, or device monitoring may still reveal activity.

Control and monitoring

They track my location, messages, or who I talk to.
I feel expected to “report in” or ask permission for ordinary decisions.
They control or closely monitor money I earn or can access.

Isolation and dependence

I have lost touch with friends, family, work, school, faith, or community support, and it was not fully my choice.
I feel pressured to choose between this person and people I care about.
They respond with jealousy, punishment, withdrawal, or conflict when I spend time with others.

Reality, blame, and intimidation

I am called “crazy,” “too sensitive,” or dishonest when I raise a concern.
I often end up apologizing even when I am unsure what I did wrong.
I change my behavior because I fear anger, retaliation, threats, humiliation, or abandonment.
They have threatened to hurt themselves or someone else, take the children, withhold money, expose private information, or damage my reputation if I disagree or leave.

How to use what you noticed

One incident may concern you; repeated behavior over time can be especially important. This checklist cannot confirm or rule out coercive control. Consider speaking with a trauma-informed advocate, attorney, clinician, or other qualified professional who respects your choices and safety.

If you may be in immediate danger, call 911. For confidential U.S. support, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or visit TheHotline.org.